Dec

Realisation

Life happens whether we want it to or not. We get sick when we least expect it, we do well at work when we think everything is going wrong, and we let people leave our lives whether we truly want them to go or not. Except, in all three instances, we open our eyes to reality and what that reality means to us.

One person’s reality is waking up to a rotten underpaid job struggling for rent money, whereas another’s is putting on their Prada suit and hopping on the next private jet to Destination Unknown. What we, as a race, fail to remember is that no matter what reality that person exists in, there’s still hurdles they must overcome. Maybe the jet is running late or someone somewhere has just smashed their Rolex but whatever, it’s life and it’s happening.

I’m currently on my fourth month of wondering what’s going on with my body, and in my fourth year of truly trying to discover who the f*ck I am. Up until recently, I’d say that my best quality was listening. Understanding how people are feeling and helping them talk out their issues. However, sometimes, we must be made aware that in a bid to help others, we often lose sight of life’s real importance. Our life’s importance – our reality. We can focus almost exclusively on one person, or one situation that we forget that other people exist at all.

Recently, I fell in love with the book E-Squared by Pam Grout. It acted as my spiritual guide in a time where I felt completely lost. I urge anyone who feels lonely or disheartened by their life to give it a read. Trust me, it works if you open your mind and heart to it. Through the book, you are encouraged to try social experiments to prove that we ultimately have a say over what happens to us and we create our own reality. I honestly believe this to be true. However, what the book fails to incorporate is that everyone is actually looking for the same thing and that’s somebody to be there.

Yet it beautifully illustrates exactly why some things just don’t work, no matter how hard we wish or try. And it also allows you to feel great comfort in the fact that everything happens for a reason. Life isn’t easy, mine isn’t, yours isn’t, Britney Spears’ isn’t but it’s what you make of your reality that will help make it easier.

I haven’t written on this for a long time, but if there’s one thing I hope to pass on as we draw to the end of 2016 is that life happens whether we want it to or not, and whatever you do, before it’s ever too late, make sure you make the best of your reality.

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Oct

Uninspired and Disinterested

It’s not like me to have nothing to say, or zero inspiration behind writing any posts. And, in all honesty, it really is the greatest punishment for a writer to experience writer’s block at such an important time of the year. Yet I sit here deflated and disinterested in writing about anything I’ve been doing recently – including the brilliant Louis Vuitton Series 3 Exhibition, the stunning Freize London Art Fair, and the disappointing Mademoiselle Prive Exhibition currently at the Saatchi Gallery. Although I’ve passed a justified opinion on all the events, I still remain faced with a hypothetical shadow of impending darkness – keeping me from seeing the light and writing!

I think I can lay part of the blame on the difficult and incredibly stressful few weeks which have come to characterise my life in London. Spending hours rushing about in uncomfortable shoes, letting tubes pass by the dozen in a hurried morning commute, and having seriously bad skin from the big cloud of pollution which both harrows my life and London town.

“London is the loneliest city”

And to that – I must agree. I sit here typing alone in my living room with the fire for warmth and the TV for conversation – a materialistic answer to friendship and love. Yet, at this point in my life, I see no alternative. It is ridiculous that I am now at an age where it is commonplace to watch my friends become engaged, get married, have children or buy their first houses. I sit here with 50 pairs of fabulous shoes, a stockpile of work and a hefty credit card bill (…and my fire and TV!).

So I wondered whether my disinterested aura can be related to this complicated, unsettling time of my life. And to further that, is my writing suffering from being caught in a realm of ‘No man’s land’?

I was recently told that I’m the most “heartless person” someone has ever met – claiming that I’m cold and ungrateful toward people who “love me and care for me the most” – except, after overthinking these allegations, I conclude that quite often it’s important for us as writers to keep that straight-laced, distant mind-frame from stopping us longing for the same future as everyone around us. Because, in today’s society, it really does seem to be a choice – Family or Career?

A close friend, whom I visited at the weekend, remarked, “Don’t worry about that Pheebs – you’re a career woman!” Why does that feel like such a punishment?

I don’t have time to pander to people who don’t support me during this time, and I refuse to panic about what the future of love and life holds for me, because I’m swamped by tons of work and meetings, and drowning in this sea of no-inspiration. To be quite frank, the whole “family vs. career” feels self-deprecating – yet impossible for me to juggle both.

I’ve experienced hurt and heartbreak, and in a McQueen fashion, it helped my writing 10-fold, except despite claiming we are all sadomasochists of love, I refuse to be a sadomasochist of avoidable pain so right now, I have to prioritise my life decisions and allow other worries to live and let be.

I’m struggling to find the right words for any post, and this one has been one of my hardest – I need the inspiration behind my posts to get creative, and lately a mixture of the wrong people and wasted time has left me uninspired and disinterested…

Oct

Are we as humans becoming Sadomasochists of Love?

This post deviates slightly from my traditional entries which focus primarily on fashion, but, as I am freelancing alongside my MA at CSM I am going to use my home-blog as a lifestyle bureau which will focus on the questions I have personally throughout my day.

Yesterday I found out some news which threw me unexpectedly into a state of complete shock and without even a second thought, I spent the entire day moping around my London flat and avoided human contact at all costs. I was almost forcing myself to feel miserable, rather than my emotions making me feel that way – I guess, you could argue, it is a form of very weak Sadomasochism.

In my sado-state, I started to watch a film called ‘Burton & Taylor’ which explored the fiery love story between Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. I became instantly entranced by both the passion behind their history together but mostly (and I don’t want to sound like Carrie Bradshaw but…) “I couldn’t help but wonder” are humans becoming Sadomasochists in Love?

Burton and Taylor shared a turbulent relationship, through which they managed to get married and divorced twice. When the couple decided to work together once more on a play called ‘Private Lives’, spectators bought tickets just to see whether the pair would get back together for the third time. Alcoholism, abuse and drugs summarised their relationship, and after much pain, Taylor stopped turning up for their performance and Burton went to Las Vegas to marry his then-girlfriend Sally Hay.

One of Burton’s theatrical mentors, the Shakespearean actor and director Sir Anthony Quayle, was convinced that the strain imposed on Burton by the reunion with Taylor destroyed his failing health. He died from a brain haemorrhage eight months later. When Taylor was informed of his death, she fainted and swore she would never love anyone the same way again – despite being married and divorced eight different times!

This story transfixes me – I am obsessed by their irrational love and the pain that came to characterise their relationship, but I am in another way jealous of the intimacy and the very fact that I personally have never experienced anything so consuming. Does that make my need for love Sadomasochist?

According to Psychology Today, Sadomasochism can be best explained as follows:

Sadomasochism can be defined as the giving or receiving of pleasure, often sexual, from the infliction or reception of pain or humiliation. It can feature as an enhancement to sexual pleasure, or, in some cases, as a substitute or sine qua non. The infliction of pain is used to incite sexual pleasure, while the simulation of violence can serve to form and express attachment.

Interestingly, PT also quotes:

Consensual sadomasochism should not be confounded with acts of sexual aggression. Moreover, while sadomasochists seek out pain and humiliation in the context of love and sex, they do not do so in other situations and dislike simple, unfettered violence or abuse as much as the next person.

This is exactly why my question is centred around whether we are Sadomasochists in LOVE – not in LIFE. Put simply, in a modern world where gender roles are changing and transforming, are we still satisfied by the traditional “comfortable” family vibe where the relationship is founded on loyalty, or do we now crave a more passion-pain fuelled future?

I decided to look for answers from close-friend and Social Psychologist Catherine Talbot who focuses her research primarily on self-harm and the role of social media in promoting eating disorders. She comments:

In regards to pain, I personally relate it to self-harm. It somehow gives you control over one little thing when everything else is so dynamic. Or maybe, as humans, we are in a state of constant doubt – we aren’t good enough, “I don’t deserve this”, and thus unconsciously we make decisions or take actions which are damaging to ourselves.

Much in the same way that the most common excuse of self-harm is to regain control of our lives, I think we crave pain in love as a way of controlling our destiny with that person. Psychology tells us that our brain craves certainty, as a sense of uncertainty about the future generates a strong threat or ‘alert sense’ in your limbic system. Your brain detects something is wrong, and your ability to focus on other issues diminishes. Your brain doesn’t like uncertainty – it’s like a type of pain, something to be avoided. “Certainty on the other hand feels rewarding, and we tend to steer toward it, even when it might be better for us to remain uncertain.” (Click for more)

However this doesn’t help us explain why relationships such as Marilyn Monroe’s and Bobby Kennedy’s are glamourised in a fashion that makes readers crave the same type of love shared between Burton and Taylor – what we are in fact craving is uncertainty and pain, not loyalty and consistency which we as humans are programmed to want to attain. Yet, we can’t ignore couples such as Beyonce and Jay Z and the Beckhams who hit headlines for the very reason that they are the “perfect pairs”. I worry that I care far too little about them and find the turmoil much more gripping.

If you have ever started an argument pointlessly or enjoy the chase, like feeling empowered or as though the cards are in your favour (anything which denotes an uncertain-unhealthy relationship) then you could theoretically be considered a Masochist of Love – much in the same way I am. After numerous failing relationships and flings, and hitting ‘rock bottom’, the tables have turned and I now remain reserved and ruthless whilst enjoying the pain of rejection or abandonment. In a kind of sickening way, it reminds you that you’re alive – even if it did inevitably kill Richard Burton. I stayed in bed all day yesterday for the simple fact that I wanted to feel hopeless – yet, when I questioned myself later “Are you really this depressed about the situation?” – I wasn’t whatsoever.

It is a natural emotion to have those days where you enjoy doing nothing but to put yourself through pointless pain struck me as Sadomasochist and made me question to what extent do we lust for a tumultuous addictive relationship over a stable, secure one?

As Elizabeth Taylor best summarises:

“I was a fool to marry so often,” she said. “If I had my time over again, I would never do that. The truth is I now don’t give a damn about most of those men. Richard is the only one I truly loved and still care about. I shall miss him until the day I die.”

Whether we are conscious of it or not, do we seek to cause ourselves more pain than is actually needed? Arguably, we could all be called Sadomasochists of Love at some point or another. Is that worrying for the future of relationships, especially now 50 shades of Grey is called a “modern-day Love Story”…?

My Not So Fair Lady xox

Aug

No explorations are ever wasted

I can’t believe I’m sat here typing on my laptop – no longer my phone – and laying in my bed at home in England. Time has flown since I returned to the U.K from our bijoux beach house in Sicily and I couldn’t look back more fondly on my month in Italia. But, I must admit – it is brilliant to be typing on a keyboard again and not squinting trying to figure out the WordPress app – so every cloud!

I wanted to put a short piece together to expand upon my lessons learnt and exploration gained from my time away. However, I thought I’d start with being more precise to Italy, rather than to life, to keep in tone with my usual writing style (firstly, free flowing and then profundity).

Here is the list I scribbled down when moving from place to place:

Italians have no concept of time – and this could however be down to the fact that wherever you go, whether it be a church or a free standing clock face – it never tells the correct time! And they aren’t all in unison either – they all tell different variations of the wrong time. You can be walking down a street and believe it to be 13:30 but when you see the time next, 5 minutes later, it reads 21:00. Tip: Always know the time.
Italians have zero spacial awareness and it is not uncommon for someone to walk into you or just not move when they see you’re struggling with a heavy suitcase on the cobbled sidewalk. Expect no more and no less. You are somehow in their way even when they are stood still.
When Italian men (in my case, of course) say “Ciao Bella” – it isn’t creepy. It does not equate to the same scenario as when white van men slow down to beep rhythmically until you turn around/ look with a red face to see them wink at you and drive away. I won’t mention the other catchphrases that such humans can come out with.
Italian women are quite straight-laced. The polar opposite to the men. They seem to be less humble and less friendly than even the Eastern Europeans/ Asians. They keep to themselves and don’t understand why you’re touring their part of the world.
Rome breeds crazy people. One day, having lunch, a man was laying face down on the cold road just screaming and singing to himself. He didn’t appear homeless, or starving – but perhaps, just drunk and with heat exhaustion. He carried on this way for a few hours, disappearing somewhere every now and again – only to return with the same tune and plonk himself down in the same place, to continue his plank.
The doors in Italy take Albert Einstein to work out – we couldn’t believe how retarded we felt every single time we went anywhere. We had to get the homeowners or their friends to show us again and again how to open and close the doors. It was worse mainly in Milan but there was no exception anywhere. Either we grew stupider with every bite of pizza, or the doors really do take a rocket scientist to work out – we still aren’t sure.
Wherever you go, you will find a friend.

I know these were all silly remarks but they really are what spring to mind whenever I look over the key points of my time there – and for those going to Italy, it might be good to keep in mind. WEAR A WATCH!

However, these are obviously not the only things I learnt whilst away. My greatest lesson was that: No explorations are ever wasted.

Whether you are a Jetsetter or a home-bird, I urge you at some time in your life to truly spend a lengthy amount of time in any foreign country and force yourself to adapt to their culture, try and learn their language, and eat/drink like a local. It really does change your perspective on how best to live your life. However, in my case, I know that eating carbs 3x a day only leads you to gaining 7lbs – not to a healthier, fitter me! But you get the general idea.

Secondly, in a form of maddening brilliance, you begin to accept others for who they are and know you’re never alone. It is quite easy to feel lonely when faced with large decisions or going through a tough time, but exploring new places gives you the kind of ease that makes you feel completely at one with yourself. It allows you to go outside of your comfort zone, and away from a bubble, and into the wide world – where people function, exist and live day – in, day – out. There is more to life than your country and habits – in fact, there’s a lot LOT more. And accepting that is a great way to keep focused but open-minded.

And lastly, Italy brought me back to life. Along with the previous two points, it showed me who I was again, which was easily lost in the emotional stress and turmoil of the past few months. I returned knowing exactly what qualities I have honed, and appreciating wholeheartedly the love, respect and intelligence of every friend I made out there. I obviously fell in love several times over (not just with the Italian men), and I ate to my hearts content – without any reservation or thought about my intake. I lived exactly how we are supposed to live as God’s creatures – carefree and happy to be exploring. It brought life back to my veins and heated cold bones.

It showed me what it means to feel completely comfortable with yourself and your surroundings and allowed me to relax in the thought of the future and the excitement it can bring. Even though, now I’ve returned, I’m being faced with some pretty hefty questions regarding where to take my future and whether to move abroad and work or to stay in London and study – I am grateful to have those few months of exploration, which will never be wasted. I’ve explored Italy and myself for a solid month – and I have found that life is most beautiful when we have to say goodbye. Because saying goodbye, when it is honestly difficult to do so, shows us that we are blessed to have had that opportunity and experience in the first place. At the end of the day, and no matter the outcome, I assure you that no exploration will ever be wasted.

Welcome home My Not So Fair Lady!

XOX

Jul

Stop six: Napoli Mi Amore

If I was to tell the truth, I’d say that I was absolutely horrified when I reached Naples train station. It was dirty, and littered. After our plush stay in Rome, we couldn’t believe where we had got off the train. Hearts broken and confidence wained, we reluctantly began our trip to Via Toledo – a hugely popular and crowded part of the city.

In all fairness, the apartment was in a perfect location – surrounded by hundreds of cafes and on the main high street, meaning plenty of shops and things to do. However, we couldn’t deny that we had gone from riches to rags, staying in an apartment with no air con – and not even a fan! Except the later found bottle of Limoncello in the freezer softened the blow a tad.

However, everything changed the more we stayed there. We now describe Napoli as “unexpected” because everyday we would find something new, discover something brilliant or meet perhaps the most interesting people of our lives. More of that later.

Via Toledo was in fact the heart of Naples, and the backstreets were the arteries all leading from the central point. When we began exploring, we started to understand that if you wanted to be part of the Neopolitan culture, then you had to explore every nook and cranny of the city itself.

Being typical English girls, grown up impressioned by American films – we knew that Naples was also home to a famous pizzeria – featured in one of my favourite films, “eat, pray, love”. The film follows a woman who, after deciding not to settle down, travels to Italy to “eat”, India to “pray” and Bali to “love”. In Italy she stays in Rome but goes to Naples to eat pizza – of course!

The pizzeria was called “Da Michele”, and despite reading numerous reviews saying the wait time was at least 3 hours – we decided that it would be quiet around 9pm and there’s no way any pizza place could be that busy!!

We were wrong of course.

We were given a hot tip to order the pizza as a take away, and eat on the street with the locals. The tourists queued of course, whilst the locals were smart enough to sit out. Given that the evening was super super warm – we decided to do the same. 20 minutes later we had our pizza and our lifelong mission to find food which would change our lives forever began and ended with 8 slices of pizza.

We cannot emphasise enough how amazing the pizza was. I now will forever be let down by any pizza I have ever again. So I suppose that’s a downside of trying the “best pizza in Napoli”. A large claim but one which Da Michele definitely fills.

That same evening, we thought a few drinks should be in order. We had arrived safely and it was our last major spot before Taormina and the more relaxing beach-part of our Italian trip.

Yet again, little did we know that we would visit this bar every night whilst in Naples and meet some of my most favourite people – never mind just Italians. The bar was a hippy joint not too far down a backstreet near our apartment! It served vegetarian food in the day and beautiful strong cocktails in the evening! We met a waiter named Luca who was one of the most fabulous people in the world. He wore a bejewelled headband and worked as a hairdresser part time too. He served us every night from then on, and on our final day there – we went back to see him to persuade him to visit us in London. He agreed of course.

Naples was a more bar-type place where locals hung out and chilled, rather than partied in a nightclub. People would gather in the street or round terraces until 5/6 in the morning. You never ever feel alone in Naples.

I’m just going to spam a little bit with selfies from our nights out – as there were so many, I will try pick the best few.

For me, Napoli wasn’t about sight seeing or doing the tourist duty, it was about being a part of Neopolitan culture, and better yet, being accepted into it.

I made what felt like a new friend every single day in Naples. From the local cafe staff, to the waiters at restaurants, the owners of our local hang out places, other foreigner travellers, to families. It felt like a huge hug being part of a community so solid, it’s hard to believe such solidarity exists in a fairly lonely digital world.

A man, who later became my most favourite person there, said that “no matter where you are here, you are never alone”. And he couldn’t have been more correct. For someone who doesn’t like to be alone, I couldn’t have found a better safe haven.

We were shown the spots and the best bars, the best places to grab some food. We were spoilt rotten by the kindness, generosity and love that we were given. I even have a place to stay whenever I return. Let me explain a little about these fascinating friends.

One was called Pepe, which Cat decided to liken to the Pope. “You know, Papa … Pepe. Same thing”. Whether he likes it or not, he will forever remain Papa Pepe! He was an ex-parachuter for the army and was signed through conscription to fight for Italy. Upon serving his time, he joined an extreme left movement against the government and the “corrupt officials”. He does not believe in religion but in spirituality. Wearing an old Buddhist tattoo on his arm, he has travelled the world but remains forever at one in Naples. He married the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and they moved to Spain and then Paris for her work. Pepe told us of how much he loved this woman, but as he follows his heart and his gut instinctively and has, for all his life, he recently left her to move back to Naples where his heart was born and will die.

Pepe managed to put life into perspective in just a few short sentences. He said that in the end we all leave the world alone anyway, and he has no time for pointless ventures when in his heart of hearts, he knows what and where makes him happy. For any person, and we are all guilty of it, who has put their life and happiness on the line for the sake of someone else’s, I urge you to think of Pepe and how no matter what – you should live for you and no one else.

The other man we met was called Alfie. He was born in New York but grew up Italian-American so spoke perfect Italian and fluent Neopolitan. He moved to Naples 17 years ago. He said that no matter where he’s been in the world – from Nicaragua to the Amazon, he has never felt as comfortable in a place than when he is in Naples. “Sometimes I think about leaving and moving back to the states to be with family but then I just leave my front door and it’s as though nowhere in the world will ever be as perfect”. I knew exactly what he meant in that moment. He was an avid surfer who lived life single so he could too do as he pleased (you can see why they are friends right?). He is an English teacher at a local university and grows his very well looked after “plants” on the side as a hobby and relaxation venture. I will leave that open to interpretation. Taking each day as it comes but booking a few months out to travel to different parts of the world he hasn’t yet seen, he knows about every culture, every region and every person. Alfie is perhaps the most inspiring person I will ever get the pleasure of meeting and for that, I am quite upset.

Alongside Napoli being the central hub of family and community, it is also the place for food! Julia Roberts doesn’t just go here to chat – she came to eat! And we did so too!!

Besides eating our weight in carbs and drinking too many cups of coffee – we also visited the island of Capri. Where Phoebe was stuck on a boat too long and took her first (no doubt not the last) burn.

We managed to see the famous Blue Grotto too which is a sea cave near the Island – it was a 2 minute journey with a whopping price tag. But I suppose – the cliche saying goes – you only live once.

From quirky cars like the one below to a beautiful Duomo – Napoli really was the unexpected city.



And also a city I could definitely call home. Just like in my Milan post, I said it was very rare, and you were incredibly lucky to find anywhere you feel completely at ease – that same feeling I felt for Milan came back to me here in Naples. So much so that sitting here typing about my experience almost makes me feel hollow – as though Napoli made me whole.

There are no words to express how this city operates and breathes but if you are lucky enough to be accepted, you will never feel alone again.

I will be running back to Naples with a huge heart and a bigger appetite, but for now, the adventure must continue.

Thank you for being my life jacket! Ciao for now. 🙋🏻

Bongiorno Taormina.

Jul

Stop five: All roads lead to Rome

Here I sit, dumbfounded by the fact it’s our last night in Rome after four days, despite feeling like we’ve only just arrived. We’ve had our last slice of heavenly Rome-pizza and drank our last Roma-ppucino. However, we couldn’t have spent our time any wiser. In just a few short days, we’ve seen thousands of years in ancient Roman history.

The first day we arrived shook Cat up a lot – we saw our first Mafia hit. It was only a matter of time but I guess we didn’t expect to see it quite as quickly as it happened. A man was being beaten to death by a local gang leader. A worried tourist shouted to the local guards to help the man. Dubiously the guards stopped the car and approached the blood-soaked victim. However we saw their faces turn from that deep brown tan colour to pure white as they noticed the clan member stood just a few yards away. With a visible tremor in their legs and a panic in their eyes, they ran back to the car and drove away as quick as the “innocent” man fell to the floor. His ribs broken and skull exposed. It was quite sickening but fascinating to see the power the Mafia still hold despite their “invisibility” and supposed “background status” in modern day Italy.

With the negativity dealt with, let me tell you a little about the positive aspects of our trip to Rome!

There are a few recommendations if you’re on a tight schedule in the city that I feel you HAVE to see to say you’ve experienced Rome and seen its history. And the first one has to be the Colloseum.

Night or day, this landmark is an absolute must-see. Absolutely incredible. Despite it being still mostly in tact compared to the other remaining structures in Rome, a lot of the stone from the Colosseum was actually removed and taken to the Vatican City – so don’t let them tell you it’s all ruin! One of the things we learnt during our time here is definitely: “What the pope wants, the pope gets”.

Go inside too – it will be well worth your visit! There is usually an exhibition that is placed in the grounds too. This time it was about feminity and how important females were during the Roman god age – but we didn’t need to be told that anyway!!

Secondly, as you’re already in the close vicinity – you need to go to Paletine Hill and the Roman Forum. For those, like us (admittedly), who have no idea what those two places are – well, I will try and explain as least boringly as I can. Basically, Rome first began on Paletine hill – it’s where the city first began, and as it expanded they built downward toward the Rome we know today! However, it was once a huge enclave housing the rich, sorrounded by what we would today call slums around the major perimeter. There is a museum which was interesting to see how it all looked before its ruin – and I won’t bore you with too many snaps – but here’s how it looks now.

Considering Caesar reigned between 49BC – 44BC until his death (when he was stabbed by Brutus) – you have to be impressed that there is as much building left as this!!

As we wandered in circles trying to find the place where Caesar was stabbed in the Roman Forum, Cat reminded me of that part in Mean Girls (I know most of you have seen it!) when Gretchen has a rant about Brutus’ and Caesar. In fact, I will quote:

Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that’s not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!

Well, they did stab Caesar, right here:

Fairly unimpressive right? I was really hoping for something a little more grand – but hey, I get to say I’ve been where Julius Caesar was stabbed and that’s more than most!

We did find a more impressive statue though – so that made everything OK again. We are simple girls!

Okay – now this is an absolute MUST. If you go to Rome and don’t visit the Vatican City then you have failed as a human. This is the most amazing place in the entire world – I honestly believe nowhere is quite like it. And obviously the Vatican think so too – as they have this huge moving structure showing the Vatican City as a world within the greater world. It is not just its own country – it is its own planet.

We were given a hot tip from a friend we met in Milan and it was regarding a “secret entrance” to the Vatican. And obviously looking for some fun, we decided to give it a go. We were instructed to go to the gates of the Vatican and ask the Swiss Guards “where is the German cemetery?”. The handsome guard smiled, obviously knowing we really didn’t want to see the dead, but rather knew of a way into the Vatican – avoiding hours of queueing.

We were met by a guard who showed us personally the way to the cemetery… Luckily, it wasn’t all bad in there as it was perhaps the prettiest cemetery I’ve ever stumbled across.

And we obviously had time for a selfie! Oh hey, and check out my abbalicious trousers for the Vatican.

Only the best for the Pope of course.

So, long story short. We weren’t quite James Bond getting into the city secretly – we were more Johnny English. Caught at the gate and sent to the 3 hour queue, we went against all advice given to us prior to going to Rome, and booked a tour guide.

Thankfully, whether god felt sorry for us as he does love a trier after all or not – we had the best tour guide in the world and the best day!

In case you can’t make it, be jealous of my snaps:

No photos were allowed in the famous Sistine Chapel but I managed to fail at taking a cheeky one (you really can’t see very much, sorry!)

However, as most of you will have read, watched or at least heard of the Da Vinci code – the Sistine Chapel is famous for being painted by Michaelangelo in his later years. Whilst he was 80% blind and had never painted before in his life – he made the most moving piece of art I’ve ever seen. It’s called “The Last Judgement”. Originally the wall was painted with naked people, as Michaelangelo believed that’s the way we as humans must enter and leave the world. However, it was later revised and drapes were put over the naked bodies.

Most interestingly, Michaelangelo painted women in sexual positions and men too. It was revolutionary and effectively against Catholic practice but he believed that in the end, only YOUR GOD can judge you – no one else. And to him, everyone was accepted and equal. Enlightened and uplifted, we were moved by the Chapels beauty.

Although not a picture of the real one – this is Michaelangelos famous “The Last Judgement”:

Breathtaking and huge, spanning the dimension of an entire wall – we fell in love with the Vatican immediately.

Then of course came Saint Peter’s Basilica. There are no words.

I decided that I wouldn’t mind getting married here – even though you’re not allowed of course. Our tour guide even informed us that you cannot get citizenship to the Vatican no matter what – even if you gave birth within the city walls – the child would be Italian by nationality. So no royal child for me then.

And then we saw the famous Michaelangelo Pietá sculptor. As breathtaking as the Basilica itself – we were spoilt by the world within the world.

The day at the Vatican really moved us – we had never seen so much wealth in such a small proximity before. From the pure marble floors to the original famous sculptors to gold and bronze figurines, to the most expensive stone in the world – Red granite.

And honestly, pay €40 for a tour because you soon learn about the real Vatican City and all the small quirks you wouldn’t otherwise know just walking around as a naive tourist.

By evening time, we were exhausted. We are walking an average of 20km daily, and after two weeks solidly – we are getting tired! Especially considering it’s the hottest July Italy has seen in 50 years. Imagine doing 20km in 45 degrees heat – not easy! So naturally, we found an ice bar to cool down in. Hehehe punny.

We read up on reviews and people had commented that you can only stay for one drink as its minus 5 degrees. This is what we thought to that (being hard northerners):

WIMPS.

But no, one drink was cold enough! Ha! We left and sought warm refuge in a recommended bar close by. This is where I had the best Amaretto Sour cocktail of my life. Of course we stumbled home drunk – as per.

The bar was called Bohemia and it was a small library for the owners too – it was such a gorgeous bijoux spot. Highly recommend for anyone wanting a quiet, intimate drink. Oh, and free crisps.

We have been spoilt by all of our experiences in Italy so far and I can’t believe how lucky we have been with the people we have met along the way. In fact, I feel moved by how amazing the past two weeks have been – and there’s still three to go!

Experience really is everything and opening your heart to everyone and those experiences is key to happiness. Just like Michaelangelo promoted when he painted The Last Judgement, we are only beings ourselves so who are we to judge others. No one – only God can. And whether you believe in his existence or not is irrelevant, what we must appreciate however is the equality of people’s.

Rome has showed me that thousands of years only changes the modernity of civilisation, as opposed to the people that make up civil society. We are one, one race – irrespective of our personal attributes and life experience. And with that we must learn appreciation for what we have and what we can learn from others. There is nothing negative in exploration. So whether you have underlying prejudices towards situation or peoples, in the end, it accounts for nothing. We are not the ones to judge. So let go and let live. And get living!

Thank you for everything Rome! See you again soon. Next stop: Napoli.

Jul

Stop two, three and four: Venice, Bologna and Florence

I am pretty sure if you have me on Instagram, you’re sick of hearing and seeing pictures of me in different Italian cities – but I know if I don’t do my blog, my gorgeous friend Cat (who I’m travelling with) and my family will be infuriated – so I must continue. And in the spirit, I will still follow the theme of summing up the places in 3 words. More so I can remember my time there rather than for any logical reading purpose. But please be warned before continuing – these three places weren’t quite as party mad or boy-focused as my time in Milan. So if it’s that you’re after – you’re reading the wrong blog. However, I hope to share some insight on deeper soul-seeking and the lessons I’m learning along the way.

Let me begin with Venice. This beautiful city has been on my bucket list ever since I saw it in a film when I was younger. Mesmerised by the fact you travel everywhere by boat or on foot, I decided that despite it not being on our “Italian west coast” plan – we would make the journey East just to appease me! The train trip was our first in Italy and it went relatively smoothly, despite being perhaps the most hungover two girls in the entire world. The night before had been Cavalli in Milan and we were really suffering. I even made Cat change seats with me so I could travel forward on the train for fear of gipping going backwards!

Walking out of the train station, we were graced by this beautiful sight:

We were told we had to cross the “glass bridge” which we assumed had to be the biggest one. Just our luck! With what felt like 50 steps and 20kg of luggage – we are beginning to get fit!

Having not eaten for the day, due to severe hangovers, we decided to settle for a restaurant right near the “people mover” which would take us over to get the bus to the camp site where we were staying. Yes that’s right, a camp site.

Before I get into that slice of heaven, let me tell you about the best pizza OF MY LIFE.

The first pizza ever here in Italy and it really has set the bar high. With zero expectations due to location and fear of it being a “tourist trap”, this Marinara pizza was worth the 7€ and more!! The waiter was of course the classic friendly Italian too…

Big smiles for the second part of our trip – and look at those suitcases. Just this second Cat has mentioned how strong we are going to be when we return to the U.K and I’m starting to think she might be right!!

When spending hundreds of euros in Cavalli the previous night, I recall a conversation Cat and I had at the bar about how it “okay if we spend ridiculous amounts of money tonight in Milan because we are slumming it in Venice”. I laughed and decided she was right but deep down, I never truly believed that I could ever “slum it”. Especially as I was sipping white wine and Cavalli vodka. Except, little did I know, until the moment I arrived at “Plus Camping Jolly” in Venice how truly hard we were “slumming it”.

This was our home. Riddled with insects and dirt, about 55 degrees in the day and minus 50 in the middle of the night – our little slice of heaven was even inconveniently located on the very outskirts of Venice – requiring two types of transport to even make it to the centre!

We had to share a bathroom and shower room, which was a good walk from the tent, with at least 100 Australian young girls and random families from across the world – all finding the experience of peeing and showering where 500 people had done previously, extremely exciting. I of course, did not. I longed for my amaretto and coke and missed what it felt like to shower alone – without other people’s pubic hair filling the drains and their old wet wipes clogging the pipes. Cry.

However, we tried to make light of the situation (which I will always blame Cat for) and make use of the pool on a sunny Sunday morning.

That afternoon we decided to venture into town and discover a little of what Venezia had to offer.

My first word is bijoux.

I loved how small and quaint Venice was – with its narrow streets, small shops and thousands of canals – it really was the epitome of bijoux. Cat didn’t allow me to forget however that, “Birmingham has more canals than Venice”. And much to my sheer surprise, you can even take a boat in Birmingham to see…. The sights?

The gondolas however start at 80€ for a short trip (around 30 minutes) and despite being two girls travelling with backpacks and in trainers, the mood didn’t really take us to jump on a love boat, paying a fortune to hear a random Italian man whistle as he strains himself pushing the boat along. So we passed.

Instead we headed toward San Marcos square, took in the sights and treated ourself to our very first ice cream in Italy – and boy was it good! And totally deserved.

My second word, which needs no explanation is “canals”. Obvious, huh?

And my third is “tourists”. I thought that Milan would be quite tourist-heavy except it really wasn’t. If you spoke English and English only – you were a minority. In Venice however, if you spoke Italian then you were the minority!! After having such an authentic experience in Milan and partying with the locals, we didn’t get the same friendly feel from Venice. And despite me wanting to go so desperately, I don’t think I will be returning any time soon.

I was looking forward to Bologna with anticipation by this point as two restless nights sleep in a tent had caused us two pamper princesses to go insane – even stealing chairs from the camp site so we can watch some crazy French students play the worst and most inaccurate game of charades ever.

Boom. Looking good!

Packing our bags and saying goodbye was too easy – this time exhausted from no sleep rather than self inflicted pain – we set off for Bologna – to the home of Bolognese!!

Next stop: Bologna.

We got on a slow train from Venice to Bologna which was surprising peaceful and we even managed to get two seats each – which in Italy is the biggest achievement ever. With every train rammed no matter what time and what destination, we weren’t to know then how lucky we really were!

Arriving pretty effortlessly, I was greeted with this at our next accommodation which I believed was the best gift ever. I felt I was staying in 7 star accommodation after the tent, and vogue Italia sealed the deal perfectly. After a quick flick through and a shower, we decided it was time to set about exploring.

With the sun setting on the city – it was of course natural to climb the 483 steps up the Torre Degli Asinelli to see a proper view of the city we will be staying in for a few days.

And 483 steps have never been more worth it. B E A UTIFUL. We loved our rustic town more than we ever thought we would. Except, now we had an appetite and decided to google “best Bolognese in Bologna” and strangely enough it mentioned a restaurant connected to a hotel 4miles away from where we were staying. And so off we went! In maxi dresses and flip flops – we were walking over A roads, down cycle paths, through housing estates, and (my personal favourite) over motorway bridges. Whilst Italians in their cars thought we were crazy, we were getting to know the streets of Bologna like the back of our hands! Despite our craziness.

And I ate meat – despite being a supposed vegetarian and gluten intolerant – I let myself go and ate two things I shouldn’t. Despite it being “meaty” it was an absolute taste sensation. And a dream after such a lengthy walk!!

The next day, despite the day- before’s treck, I convinced Cat to walk the 10 mile hike up to the Sanctuaire Madonna di San Luca. It just so happened that it was 37 degrees and after buckets of sweat later, we arrived and got to see a greener side to Bologna.

With a much needed gluten break and choosing my favourite Salad Sfizosa – I was replenished with goodness and was refuelled once more for the rest of the afternoon.

Oh and I found the birthday cake of my dreams in a nearby shop window. One Chanel cake for the 22nd January 2016 – yes please!

For dinner we went in search for a small snack but decided that we would rather have a mammoth-size piece of pizza from our local around the corner. England, take note. THIS is the size of a piece of pizza.

Bologna was Rustic, Red and full of Bolognese and despite everyone asking “why are you going there”, we really noticed a difference in the type of Italians who housed us. They weren’t as friendly as the Milanese and even were surprised to see foreigners (the white skin gave it away!) in their area. They were subdued and even shy, yet we felt no unease and believed to have settled in rather well by the time it came to leaving. I think we would have been more sad had our next stop not be the beautiful Florence.

Fourth stop: Florence

We had high expectations for this place as everyone everywhere across Italy and England alike had mentioned just how beautiful the city was. After being pleasantly welcomed by our fabulous host – we set about exploring our home for the next few days.

We decided that “all roads lead to the Duomo” and if we were ever lost, look for that as a sign and we won’t be far from home.

And after a good meal of carbs followed gracefully by many-an-amaretto, our tipsy walk home never looked quite as majestic.

We even stumbled upon an outdoor cinema screening a documentary about Japanese author Murakami. Funnily enough, the author I have recently come to love and embrace during my time here in Italia.

Thanks to our host, who also happened to be a photographer out there in Florence, we were given hot tips on which sights to see, museums to visit and local places to eat to really get the Florentian experience! So here are the beautiful sights we got to see along the way:

And of course we had to have a photo from the Ponte Vecchio:

Later we visited Boboli gardens, the perfect location to write my millions of postcards id promised the people I love from back home. The gardens are a must if you visit Florence. You get soaked up in the artist lifestyle watching painters and sculptors alike using their keen eye for detail to produce masterpieces. We were entranced and enamoured by the views and the people we were meeting along the way!

And look at that view. It’s why one of my words for Florence is “love”. And this is where the soul searching began.

I decided to think about love as a perspective rather than a feeling or the chemical reaction it is understood generally to be. In Italy there seems to be more couples than anything else – not to mention the public displays of affection everywhere you turn. Sitting and people-watching the masses kiss and tell eachother how much they love one another, I noticed how time moves on as swiftly as it arrives. And how love forms as quickly as it dissipates. Although we relate love to how we feel about a particular person, in its perspective sense, it can be used for how you feel about a place and a particular feeling. And after a few days in Florence I decided I loved Italy and its people, as much as I thought I ever loved a particular person in the past also.

I suppose in much the same way you love someone because you can be totally at ease with them, that’s exactly how I feel about Italy. It does help when you’re travelling about in the nicest accommodation and going out every evening meeting new and exciting people with your best friend. But I guess a bit of soul seeking I did find is that, love comes when you least expect it and in unlikely forms. Right here, right now I love both my life and my travels here in the best country in the world.

A cheeky phone number and an obligatory night out at the best nightclub in Florence called Flo which overlooks the city is exactly what sealed the deal for us – Beauty was our second world of choice!

And the third had to be memorable because nowhere is quite like Florence. In all its quaint, modest beauty, it will forever resonate in our hearts as the city that taught us to love.

Next stop: Rome.

And as I currently sit here and write, I am sunbathing on our balcony catching the last of the evening Rays. I really don’t think I ever want to come home.

Ciao for now ✌🏼️🙋🏻

MNSFL XOX

Jul

First stop: Milano

My friend and I decided that the best way to remember the places we visit in Italy is going to be by summing them up in only three words.
After day one in Milan, I decided that my first word would be “grey” as everything seemed so bleak and lifeless – but this was of course before I experienced the nightlife or the city, and changed my mind completely.
Okay, let me begin…

We arrived in Milan on Tuesday evening and after an easy journey, we found our home for the next few days relatively quickly – down a street called San Gottardo (highly recommend!). The flat was so close to everything – all the good bars, clubs, cafes and restaurants. And not to forget the amazing shops of course!?

We were greeted by this beauty the second we came up from the Metro and I instantly fell in love. A picture doesn’t do it justice but the Duomo really has the most incredible architecture. And – as it was our first day of being tourists – it was natural to pay 20 euros for a biscuit and our first Italian coffee with the Duomo right in front..

Later we would learn that you don’t pay over 1 euro 50 for a coffee. Oh well – we had to fall into the tourist trap at some point.

I think that my second word for Milan is going to be “beauty”. Although I am well aware that there are far more beautiful places in Italy which I am yet to explore… Milan is the epitome of beauty for me.

Just look at the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele! This is where the super plush supposedly shop… Except I’m quite sure it was just a lot of tourists with a lot of cameras and the ridiculously hunky Carabinieri walking around smiling at poor unsuspecting foreign girls (and we don’t just mean us!)

The people here are beautiful too. There’s no place like it (and I would know – being a great lover of Paris). I was told by my Italian friend that the Milanese are easy to spot – the men all wear suits (even in 35 degrees heat) and the women will always look flawless – perfect makeup, heels, long thin legs and an inspiring fashion sense. One evening, my friend and I decided to just find a local spot to sit with our wine and watch the Milanese world go by – when we met two of the greatest Italians of all time: Luigi and Miky.

We learnt that Luigi was a surgeon who was born locally and had lived here all his life. Whereas Miky was a poet come lover-of-life who had toured with one of the greatest living Italian poets but had now taken to art and painting portraits. Miky knew everyone – and everyone knew Miky! He would be on the phone 24/7 or speaking to locals in the street. He even helped me with a bit of Italiano which was necessary but by no means enough as I still have to reply 99% of the time with just “I’m English” when the Italians start ranting on.

Miky and Luigi were beautiful too – both inside and out. In all the pictures we took they wanted to get in on it and thanked us with beautiful roses – oh, and a trip to our first club!

Club Bobino it was called – a Peugeot (yes the car) owned bar with a huge outdoor terrace and two rooms inside also. It was an unexpected evening as we just assumed we were hanging local but I’m so glad we didn’t! Giving up pronouncing our names 50 times to the locals, we let them have it their way and instead of Phoebe and Catherine, we became “Bibi e Gato”. Quite the ring to it I think! And from that night on, every time I gave two kisses and said “Piachere”, it was “Sono Bibi” oh and Gato (meaning “cat” of course).

I think what I found the most beautiful part of the bar was the random fountain which, although the picture doesn’t do it justice, it was pretty huge! Not quite the trevi of course, but impressive considering it was at a club. The theme of the night was “we love the 90s” and so naturally, I expected the music to continue as it started – Michael Jackson, Jackson five… And then the DJ shouted something in Italian, to which Miky translated for me as, “let’s go old school”. Except, then the DJ played Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars, followed closely by I love it by Icono Pop?! Oh and don’t forget the legendary Spanish tune Danza Kadora (or however you spell it) – even though we were in Italy….

Either way, the fact we knew the words to every single song playing worked like a charm and the Italians thought we were the most fascinating creatures of all time. One peculiar thing we did realise and it must be because of their Latino nature, the Italians didn’t know a fist pump but instead salsa danced to British pop music – much to our amusement. But after a few bottles of wine, the good old party Brits came out and caused quite the stir! We managed to get at least 30 people in a circle – with us at the centre – and taught them how to dance English style! From “going low” to a hearty punch to the sky – they were going mental! Three cheeky phone numbers and 50 million Italian kisses later, we stumbled across the new Valentino campaign models. Already infatuated by our rhymic dance moves – it was like we were one of them. Accepted into the circle of the rich, famous and the beautiful.

Before I left for Italy, I remember my friend telling me “you always say you’re in love with people, why?”. Well the truth is, I do fall in love with people – usually from the second they interest me. And I will fall in love again, and again and again… I told Gato that I wanted to fall in love every single place we stop in Italy, and after Milan and the beautiful Milanese model below, I think I’m going to fall in love time and time again – but mostly with Italy.

Last night, and the reason for my low funds and pumping headache, was the evening in the Just Cavalli Bar. One of the loves of my life had told us that we must go before we leave or we will regret it! Now if we thought that the evening before was “the best night ever” – the just Cavalli bar was something else.

Set in Parco Sempione, this bijoux spot would be an absolute find for someone not looking. We loved the fact it was surrounded by the park – it made it a surreal experience. You needed a reservation or to be “on the list” to get in, just like at Bobino, but our English charm and the smiley faces you see below sealed the deal once more and we were accepted inside.

The bar is set on different foundations – all immersed within a fake forest with the VIP section set above the dance floor – graced by zebra stripe couches. It was ridiculously Cavalli. We stupidly decided to spend 60 euros on a bottle of wine – as it was our last night in Milan we thought we may as well go for it – and we will just “slum it” in Venice. The waiter brought it to our table and even waited nearby to top our glasses throughout the evening and to ensure the ice wasn’t melting which would “wet the bottle and that is no good”. After a quick girly chat, a glamorous mother and son interrupted and later invited us to the main VIP area to drink Cavalli Vodka (yes – it exists) and have not just the one personal waiter but five! Oh and to top it off, we even got a sparkler.

Naturally, many drinks and many hundreds of euros later, we felt fresh and free – ready once more to brave the dance floor. The manager of the club already blowing kisses and throwing love hearts my way, alongside the DJs making hard heart shapes – we were popular English girls once more. Dancing (or salsa-ing) the evening away with our new glamorously beautiful friends.

My next word is going to be “food”. I realise everywhere in Italy, the food will be incredible. But I just had the best salads, best pizza slices, and best drinks – ever! In italy, they have “happy hour” whereby you buy a drink – and you get food?! A buffet is put on every evening from around 9-11 where customers are both fed and watered. It’s fantastico – far better than our dismal 2-4-1 deal. Italia 1 England 0.

We stopped by the same cafe every day (usually a few times a day) for our morning coffee and croissant – then our evening Amaretto and coke. The owner took a real shining to us – and you must admit, the best messages are those written in froth…

And lastly, my third word will be “home”. Someone once said to me that where you’re “meant to be” is when you go to a place and you just feel right. Since leaving Bath, I haven’t ever felt the same about anywhere I plan on going. Desperate trips to London to make me fall in love with the city has only resulted in further disappointment. Milan, on the other hand, is just right. It isn’t the most beautiful Italian city, nor is it famous for local cuisine or culture – but it’s just fabulous in every way to me. And it just feels right.

Little did I know on that first day when I decided my word was “grey” and I messaged home saying I couldn’t wait to leave Milan that I’d be sat on the train to Venice sad to be leaving my “home”.

Four days of partying and countless kisses and laugher has resulted in this (below) and so I think a quick detox is required before it all begins again.

Ciao Milano. Bonjourno Venezia! 🇮🇹

Jun

Perspective

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while – and, ironically, despite publishing it on my blog site for my 1000s of readers, I need to write this blog so I know how I feel about this particular ‘perspective’.

The last few weeks I’ve been on the longest emotional rollercoaster to date and with it, I have felt grief (the kind of grief you feel when someone close to you dies), I have felt sorrow (being so upset that it almost physically hurts) and in many ways, I have welcomed enlightenment through a fresh perspective. Bare with me…

Only a few hours ago, a friend came to me with a problem and before getting into the thick of it, she responded with “Oh! I’m sorry… my issues aren’t half as problematic as yours. I’ll shut up. How are you?”. I guess, in a way, I felt sickened that she’d already written off her problems as secondary in importance, and in turn, it made me feel as though I was lacking as her friend. I simply replied with, “well that’s a matter of perspective.” And indeed – it was.

Another friend said to me that she had finally found someone she feels she can settle down with. I just know that she had a toothy geeky grin typing to me about her dates with “the one”. I kept asking her questions and before she had even got to answering them, she (alike to my other friend) stopped, and said “oh my – I’m so sorry – I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad. How are you?”.

Many people would think that after going through a break up, you don’t want to see happy couples, and the thought of seeing everyone around you becomes gut wrenchingly painful but I am too, incredibly adamant, that it is just a matter of perspective. Little did my lovestruck friend know that I wanted nothing more in that moment to hear all about her latest lush, and what new qualities and experiences he’d brought to her life. I was lost in her descriptions of her “perfect gentlemen” and without any trace of sadness or jealousy, I was purely happy for her.

I understand that this post can be a little muddling for most of my readers, as not many of you know me personally – but I aimed for this post to try and simplify issues in people’s daily lives and encourage you to feel enriched by all experiences – sad or otherwise.

I have just read a book by Gregory David Roberts called ‘Shantaram’ which follows the authors journey whom actually escaped from an Australian prison and sought refuge in India. Through his travels, he falls in love, joins the Mafia, and makes many mistakes – including relapsing into his heroin addiction, and going to war in Afghanistan. If you don’t like deep books – then perhaps I wouldn’t recommend. But – for me, the book is my survival bible – it has opened my mind, and most importantly, my heart to the wonders of life and what it has to offer. In the book, the author offers a fresh perspective of what it means to truly love everyone around you, your surroundings and the qualities of life. It sheds light on how true happiness comes when you are completely at ease with yourself and your chosen path.

This throws into question the next few years of my life. Although I have a generous scholarship offer for my Masters, I can’t help but think that time away from England, travelling and exploring, may offer a fresh perspective also. I will never forget what someone said to me at a party once, “Travelling expands the mind and what’s more, you see colours you didn’t even knew existed. How do you go on in life with the ignorance of colours?” So – I guess what I’m saying is, I want a perspective of a plethora of colours – to truly understand and connect with everyone I meet.

Life isn’t about materialistic beings and in the past few months, I’ve come to appreciate that. I know I rant about fashion and the latest trends, but once you strip someone bare of their beings and leave them with their necessities – you see the true qualities of those people and allow their personal attributes to shine. And despite having my belongings stripped of me, and no beautiful house in the best part of Bath to my name, nor a boyfriend and a set future path – I couldn’t be more content. Because in my warped version of what it means to be happy, I’ve found solidarity in myself. Allowing myself to be so desperately lost that I will inevitably be found. Life has a funny way of punishing you, which will later lead to your greatest reward.

In Eat, Pray, Love, there is always a line which resonates with me strongly and that is “whenever you miss something or someone, send love and light their way and then let it go”. And that’s exactly what i’m doing as I mourn the end of the last part of my life. I am sending love and light to every single person who made the last three years so perfect that it’s hard to say goodbye. And isn’t that life’s greatest gift of all – spoiling you so greatly with your opportunities and experiences that, even as evolving creatures, we still find it impossible to say goodbye.

Except, with the greatest perspective and the one, most feared by all, we find contentment and excitement in change – which I’m beginning to welcome, with every dawning day.

MNSFL xox

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Apr

10 Ways to Spring Clean your Life

After recently coming out of a 2 and a half year relationship and having the standard girl break down – crying ridiculously to laughing hysterically, from burning pictures to hugging his clothes (OK – that one was a lie!) I thought I’d put together a small post, mainly aimed at anyone looking to refresh their minds and wake up with a new outlook on life, here are my 10 ways to ‘spring clean’ your life.

1. Exercise and eat healthily

It’s very natural to feel cranky and down, and like the world won’t go on – but exercise, whether you like it or not, is perhaps one of the best forms of learning how to cope with stress! I like to focus my efforts on running (generally down the canals with no music – to take in the nature) and yoga (as studies have shown that yogi’s are more likely to solve issues quicker as the brain is trained to get into the various stretching positions).

Doing exercise also increases your metabolism, gets you in shape and releases those all important endorphins which gives you drive to keep going! You need to eat healthy to be healthy as you are what you eat after all! Stock up on lots of fruit and vegetables and give your body the detox it requires! Once you do this, you can start to heal and become the very best version of yourself.

This of course doesn’t mean “never indulge” as writing this now, I am munching away on a creme egg – it’s important to create a balance your body needs to heal and refresh.

2. Learn how to say “No”

It’s not a crime to say “no” – even if you don’t have anything better to do! I think we live in a demanding world nowadays which mostly requires us to be adaptable and say “yes” to almost anyone and everything! So when you have the conscious choice, decide if you REALLY want to do something and if you don’t, just say…

3. Take some time out for YOU

So if you’ve been brave enough to take the plunge and say “no” – how about you take some time out for YOU? And what you want to do – not what others want you to do! When in a relationship, you learn to live together and be inseparable constantly, by doing this, we lose a sense of who we are what we bring to the table. By forgetting these simple things, we start to lose a sense of who we are as individuals. This is most definitely one of the hardest ways to “spring clean” your life as you have to rediscover yourself and learn that being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely.

Light some candles, take a bath, read a book, or just sit in tranquility. Learn what makes you YOU and learn to love it again.

4. Get Tidy!

If you haven’t already – spring clean your home or living space. Clear out the nostalgic memorabilia and throw away your old things that you’re just keeping because you’re a secret hoarder! Throw out the old magazines and organise your things efficiently. Getting organised is one of the best things to clear your mind. If you start working afresh, you will start thinking the same way – so take a deep breath, and throw that rubbish OUT!

Keep the fabulous fashion magazines of course! They don’t need to go unloved!!

5. Make time for your girlfriends

Last night, I went out with my closest girlfriend and some unlikely friends and had the best night in ages. It was refreshingly fabulous for us girls to be on the town – looking and feeling great with our wine jackets on! When you are so used to being with someone, you’re so used to being a two that you forget you’re a one – and you as a one, should have friends that you as a two don’t! So make time for those girlfriends, because you’ll be needing them even more when you least expect to!

It’s very important to get rid of any negative “friends” you have during this period, those that cause you stress or multiple drama, simply remove. Life is far too short to spend time catering for peoples needs who would never do the same visa versa. You know understand why people say “If you can count your friends on one hand – you’re lucky!’. Make space for new friendships and welcome people in readily – you never know what surprises they might bring!

6. Remove negative energy

There’s always going to be something wrong, someone breaking up, someone poorly, someone more poor etc… You need to remove the negative energy in your life otherwise you won’t have adequate room for the positive energy you need to be letting in! Readily accept new energy and make sure you’re exerting the right kind of energy to the right people! The world is just a giving and taking and lending of various energy – we as bodies and humans are just that!! So don’t allow too much negativity to take over – you don’t want to be that annoying friend who only ever talks about one thing! You’re far better than that.

7. Stop feeling sorry for yourself

I’m hugely guilty of this and it needs to stop! You’re going to be OKAY – there will be many broken hearts and fallen tears before the end of your time, so I suggest you just stop feeling sorry for yourself and think of the positive things which could come out this change in your life. This is interlinked hugely with the negative energy post. When we go through things in life, we can’t get down at every hurdle – the race would never end if we did. It’s time to get up and move on, with a happy approachable face.

8. Be YOU

I love this one – you need to learn to be YOU. No one else – if you want to have long green hair, wear turtle necks with Hunter wellies and a black bandana then go for it. No one should be judging! If the next day, you wake up and you want to have black short hair, wear ear piercings and call yourself Shania then that’s fine too. I think no one should be critical of how you want to be you – and if they are, then so what! We’ve removed all that negative energy anyway. It’s all about YOU from now on, so experiment and find out who you are and if it works, then great, and if it doesn’t, just change until it does!

9. Don’t be critical of the lives of others

And if you’re doing exactly what you’re doing – then remember that others are doing that too. If they want to go to the pub every weekend, or have seven wives, do drugs and go through mid-life crises’ then FINE. Who are we to judge anyway? Even if it’s part of human nature to do so. With your fresh mind and new outlook on life, you shouldn’t care about what other people are doing.

You don’t like who they are and what they do? Fine. Remove them from your life, but always remember, we must accept the differences in people and let them be.

Note: This does NOT imply that anyone cruel, manipulative or upsetting should be part of your life because “it’s who they are”. This ISNT who we are – this is an example of the type of energy we don’t want in our world because ultimately, this leads to self-destruction.

10. Let go.

OK so guys – this is the biggie. The ultimate deal breaker, the end of the spring clean of your life. This is the last hurdle, which naturally is much higher than any of the others. It requires letting go and closing the door on a huge part of your life. Whether you’ve gone through a personal tragedy, a loss of a loved one, or simply going through a break up – we have to learn to let go. When I speak about my break up, I always say, “but we were together for so long” and in essence, yes, except there’s plenty of things in our life that are going to go on for a long time, and if we never learn to let go – we will never know what’s waiting around the corner.

We need to accept the difficulties we face and the turmoil/upset which comes our way as a repercussion, but we do need to understand and value fate and what the future brings. So have a little cry, indulge in some Ben and Jerry’s, sit down and contemplate – but eventually – you will have to let go. And when it’s done, it’s done. You’re going to wish you did it a lot sooner.

Your WHOLE life awaits you… and remember…